I lost it on my kids this morning…

It started off as a lovely morning.  I slept through the night, woke up in gratitude around 5:30am, and put my feet on the ground, optimistic about the day.  I scraped my tongue (which is a self care practice that removes bacteria and supports digestion), and headed downstairs to start the kettle for my warm water (which hydrates your cells, wakes up your digestive system and supports morning elimination).  I then unrolled my yoga mat and did a 30 minute practice, followed by 15 minutes of breath work and meditation.  Feeling refreshed and focused, I headed to the kitchen and started my warm and nourishing oatmeal.  I lite a candle, blessed my food, and enjoyed a mindful meal with no distractions.  I love when the house is still dark, quiet and peaceful.  Alone time is how I recharge.  My morning routine has turned into a habit made HOLY, and feels like sacred self care.  

I should disclaim that not ALL of my mornings look like this, but this particular morning was pretty ideal.  And because life is always changing, my peaceful morning evolved into a stressful one.  Once the kids got up, it was a totally different story.  Our home was then filled with yelling, complaining, fighting, and blame about who spilled the dog dish.  I felt my shoulders tense up and my breath become heavier.  Both kids were dragging their feet to get ready, and at some point, I must have become invisible, because no one was listening to a word I said.  

My patient nudge after nudge for everyone to get ready, eventually expired... and I exploded!  My body became hot and my word sharp.  Our home was now filled with my own yelling, complaining, arguing and blame.  The peace that I had so carefully cultivated just hours before had completely vanish.  And then came the guilt....


If you are a parent, you know what I mean.  That heavy feeling of "I wish I didn't say that."  I wish you could take back my explosion...but I couldn't.  I had to send the kids off to school, with little time to repair the damage done.  


Isn't it interesting that I had a perfect morning of self care, and still ended up losing it on my kids?  

I'll tell you what happened next though...

I forgave myself.  I found my center again.  I remembered that I'm human.  I choose to let it go, and trusted myself to do the next right thing, as soon as I had the chance.  I was gentle with myself, and decided to listen to the loving, supportive voice in my head, instead of the critical, judgmental voice.  I choose to reconnect to my breath, and use the tools in my toolbox to soothe my nervous system.  I thought about how big my explosion COULD have been if I didn't take the time to prioritize self care. I knew my morning routine wasn't a cure-all, but I did trust that it would help me find more space and awareness.  I knew I could be an example of someone who apologizes more quickly with others, and model love and compassion with myself.  I chose to stay true to my self care practices, and trust that they DO support me.  If I didn't choose to take care of myself, I could be stuck in a negative state for the whole day....or longer. 

Self care is not selfish...it's essential for our well being, and supports both our inner and outer state.   

I am grateful for the awareness, clarity, gentleness and self love that my self care practices have brought into my life.  Most importantly, I'm grateful for the cycle of letting go, and beginning again....letting go, and beginning again....






Be well,
Shannon